Tag: journey

45 years

Whether you are not yet 45 years of age or are a bit past it, we can all agree that 45 years is a big chunk of our lives.

Our church has a presence in the state correctional facilities. The inmates participate in services and have access to prayer request cards. Once they are submitted, a group of people write letters to them and pray over their requests. I serve on this team.

Some requests are straightforward – they need healing, want out, guidance, help for family members.

Others take a different route. I received one of these recently.

His first line stated that he had been where he was for 45 years.

Imagine – 45 years confined to a prison where freedoms are severely limited.

You have the exact same routine day after day after 16,425 days.

I looked up the gentleman. His sentence was life without parole. I believe his appeals were exhausted. This is where he will be for the rest of his life.

Let that sink in for a moment. Can you feel the weight? I can imagine it’s hard to be joyful or to look at anything in a positive light.

His second line of his request showed his response to the situation.

“I am not a mistake.”

Whew! What confidence in his Creator! He knew that his life mattered and that he had a purpose where he was.

He was excited about mentoring someone who hadn’t been in for as long – and to point them to Christ. He is on a mission!

I’ve thought about my own life and read through some things I have written over the years. I noticed some places where I have been in bondage – not a physical jail but, still in bondage because I held on to something that wasn’t mine to hold.

Fear of the future.

Labels I placed on myself or that were unwanted gifts from others.

Placing my confidence in myself or others well above God, whom I say I love more than others.

These (and others) limit me in areas of my attitude, my confidence and my dreams.

This man has found freedom in his physical prison. I can find freedom from my self imposed one. (And so can you!)

The only one who can define me is my Creator. He calls me His masterpiece. He had a purpose for me before I was created (Ephesians 2:10.) I am never alone. He goes before me, behind me and is all around me (Isaiah 41:10.) I am a daughter of The King (1 John 3:1!) His plan for me is to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11.) I don’t have a spirit of fear but one of power, love and self control (2 Timothy 1:7.)

His plan for this gentleman (and for you) is the same. Reconnect with the One who cannot love you any more than He does right now.

Isaiah 61:1-2 (ESV)

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
    he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
    and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
    to comfort all who mourn….

And again…

After a couple of months, I’m finally back to writing.

I could call my time away a hiatus. Or to make it super special – a sabbatical.

But, let’s call it what it was.

A prolonged time of disobedience.

Do you ever know the right thing to do and then choose not to do it anyway? That, dear friends, is sin. Pure and simple.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4:17 (NIV)

How much clearer could it be?

Your thing (your good you should be doing) may not be writing. It may be consistently showing up for work early and in a good mood. It might be offering to watch a friend’s children while she goes to the store alone. Maybe it’s starting the business. Maybe it’s giving money to someone when you have your own needs.

You have been told to do something. You have ‘good’ to give. If you don’t do it, you are sinning.

This definitely has convicted me (once again.) Notice I didn’t say it condemned me. Condemnation is not of God. (Thank you, Jesus!)

I have said multiple times that the Lord has called me to write. However, since I don’t know all of the details and all of the answers to my many (so many) questions, I find it ‘easier’ to just not do it. And then I try to rationalize it. (Goodness, I’m a mess.)

Thankfully, God is gracious and His mercies are new every morning. I can start again – and so can you.

Here is my good – the Lord has called me to point people to Jesus by writing.

What is your good you have been given to do? I encourage you to do it.

20 Years and Counting

It really does go by so quickly.

We weren’t young when we married and yet, I know we were quite naive about a lot of things. (Maybe it was just me.)

I went from just me and my cat to me, my cat and 4 other people. A lot of adjustments. A lot of prayer. Some things went well and some things definitely did not.

But today we celebrate 20 years together. It’s amazing. It’s definitely a God story.

One thing I have always loved about Tim (there are many more, of course) was that he always let me say whatever I wanted to say. The good. The bad. And the very ugly.

Sometimes downright repulsive.

This was so helpful – especially in the early years. I didn’t know how to be a mom. It was weird that things moved about during the night. And we had a strange unseen person named “Not me” living with us too.

A lot of change at one time. Of course, I was so nervous to do the wrong thing, a lot of the time I did nothing. That was not helpful to Tim nor the kids. It definitely showed I was trying to do it in my own strength instead of relying on God.

But one thing we did do (and still do) was talk. We have definitely learned how to communicate better after twenty years.

We took a trip to visit my family shortly after we wed. When we arrived, Tim didn’t have any clothes in the suitcase. I remember seeing them in neat piles on the bed near the suitcase before we left home. But he neglected to tell me he expected me to pack for him. We can laugh about it now.

Instead of asking, “What time do you want to be there?” I ask, “What time do you want to leave?” When Tim suggests going out to eat after church, I try NOT to remind him we have food at home.

Another thing we do is pray together. This, by far, is my favorite thing.

He prays over me before he leaves for work in the morning. We both pray together before he goes to sleep. We even ask for prayer during the day too.

We know that God needs to be the center of the marriage. If we both are growing closer to God, we will naturally grow closer to each other.

We are so very blessed. A lot of people (including our parents) prayed for us for many years. Mom continues.

Tim and I still have a lot of growing and learning to do. We want to finish well. We know we are not perfect but we look to the One who is.

Expectant

When I googled the definition, expectant is an adjective that means “having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, especially something pleasant and interesting.”

On the morning that Tim proposed, he left a voice mail saying that it was going to be the best day and he would see me later that night.

I was pretty sure he was going to propose that Thursday. I was excited and expectant. Definitely getting engaged was something ‘pleasant and interesting.’

However, I didn’t dress up. I didn’t prepare a fun dessert or even do my hair. As I recall, I was in some lounge attire and was sweeping crumbs off the kitchen counter when he rushed in to ask me to spend the rest of our lives together.

Even though I was expecting it, I didn’t prepare myself for it. Why was that?

Perhaps I didn’t want to be disappointed if what I was expecting didn’t happen? I don’t know.

I do that with God too. I say I expect Him to show up and to show off. But I don’t prepare myself for it. Why is that?

King David wrote, “Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.” (Psalm 5:3)

Morning, Lord. Here is what I’m asking. Can’t wait to see what You do.

And then I take everything back in my own hands. Sigh.

I can’t imagine being in the early days of AD (or even the days of BC) and waiting expectantly for God to rescue Jerusalem.

Of course, now we are awaiting His return. Somedays I look so forward to it. And then there are others when I think, people I know aren’t ready for it. I’m not ready for it.

These are the days of preparation. These are the days we are to be telling others about Christ. These are the days to live fully surrendered to what He has for us and to realize what He is doing and to look expectantly at what He will do.

Morning, Lord. I’m looking for You and can’t wait to see how the day unfolds. Get me out of the way. Help me to see You move. All for your glory. Amen.

Think on Purpose

Anyone an over thinker? Both of my hands are raised.

Anyone run down various rabbit trails in your mind? Again, both hands are raised.

I started my card business on September 1 (http://goGoddesigns.myshopify.com) and was very focused for about 10 days.

But then life happened – nationally, locally, within family – and I became distracted and quite sullen.

I found myself escaping to the lure of the scroll. I told myself I was learning. But I was actually escaping and avoiding.

I was asking the big questions – why, how, what, who…. But I wasn’t talking to the One who knows the answers. I was avoiding Him too.

I was invited to a worship night. I didn’t want to go. I had enough of people. But I knew I needed to.

I reminded myself that worship wasn’t about how I was feeling. Worship was about who my God is.

And He is worthy.

After making my joyful noises and listening to others speak of Jesus, I was refreshed. I spent time in His presence. He held my hand.

A couple of nights later, it was small group time. Again, I didn’t want to go. But I knew I needed to.

Being around people who are like minded and who are discussing Jesus is exactly what I needed. Time and time again, we said we need to focus our thoughts (think on purpose), determine what lies we are believing, and replace those with God’s truth.

How many times have I believed the lie that I can do things alone. I’m better off without people. I don’t need anyone. Or, I’m not good enough for God to love me so why talk with Him?

Stupid defeated enemy. He knows he can’t keep me out of heaven. His goal, however, is to make me ineffective here on earth.

When you find yourself escaping or avoiding, stop! Think on purpose! What lies are you believing? What truth do you need to remind yourself of?

Run TO Him – not away from Him. He is the Comforter. He is the Truth.

Choices lead and feelings follow. Choose to read, hear and accept His Word and His Truth.

Think on purpose!

Thankful

I don’t believe Thanksgiving is just a season. We should constantly be in a mind of giving thanks.

We all have an abundance of opportunities each day to be grateful. It could be the kind clerk behind the counter. It could be the honest mechanic who will fix the actual problem with your vehicle. It could also be the teacher who enjoys his pupils. Or it could be the nurse who enjoys taking care of her patients.

There are many reasons to be thankful for people. There are many reasons to be thankful for situations also.

Our youngest son was involved in a head on vehicle accident yesterday morning. We have much to be thankful for.

‘Somehow’ the paramedics and state troopers were notified. There was special equipment to extricate everyone from the vehicle. There were plenty of emergency vehicles to transport people to multiple facilities.

They were able to contact his fiancé and she contacted his dad. Tim was already in town and only had a 15 minute drive to the hospital instead of 30 minutes. After multiple nights of little sleep, the night before the accident, Tim and I both slept soundly.

Tim was able to witness the love his fiancé has for our son. She wouldn’t leave his side. The hospital was conducting a mass casualty drill during this time so there were many employees available to help assess the injuries. Ben’s head, chest and abdomen were clear. He has a cast on his arm and a splint on his finger.

Many lives changed yesterday morning because of the accident – most I will never know of. We have much to be thankful for. God, you are good. All the time. I don’t understand but I trust You. Help us to be grateful even in the hard times.

Prideful Humility

When I was in second grade, we were given coloring sheets. I diligently colored and did my best to stay inside the lines. I am sure my colors were rather safe and predictable. My grass was always green and the sky was always blue.

I used to comment on my work, “Oh, I don’t think it looks as good as yours. I didn’t do my best work.”

It was a surefire way to get a compliment! I did that week after week. Oh, the praise always lifted my mood.

It wasn’t long before that all changed. One day, I said, “Oh, I really don’t think this is very good.” And my friend responded with a resounding, “You’re right. It’s not.”

Well, the jig was up. No longer did I try to manipulate compliments from my classmates.

We are taught to be confident in our abilities but shouldn’t be proud.

We enjoy it when people need our specific talent or savor a wonderfully prepared meal from our own kitchen. We appreciate the ‘Atta-boy’ or ‘Atta-girl’ from a boss or coach. And then there are some who command thunderous applause in huge stadiums.

But how do you actually receive a compliment and not become prideful? How do you walk in the confidence of your abilities but still get your head through the doorway? How do you not become prideful of how humble you are?

I think all of those questions have the same answer.

Everything we have comes from God, our Creator. He gave us the strengths and skills. He gave us the ability to create, learn and build.

So we accept the compliment and give praise to the one who made that possible.

We walk in the confidence of who God says we are – not in our own strength. We use our work, strengths, abilities, good deeds to point others to Christ, not ourselves.

Everything – all of it – comes from Him. We keep our eyes fixed on Him. We find our worth in Him. We have His strength and our confidence is in Him.

Thank you, Jesus.

Wait…What?!?!?

Have you ever read something and then have to stop and ask, “What?” And then read it again to verify your thoughts agree with what you read?

That happened in my quiet time this morning.

Disappointment is a feeling of sadness or frustration when expectations or hopes fall short.

I have been disappointed with my kids, my husband, my parents and even Xena, the wonder dog.

Does that mean that they did something wrong? Not necessarily. It’s that I had expected or hoped for one thing, and that thing did not come true.

Goodness, even this morning, I am disappointed with myself. I should have exercised, written this blog sooner, done a load of laundry.

In Isaiah 57:15, it speaks of God being in the high and holy place, and “also with him who is of contrite and lowly spirit….”

He is so big and so mighty – so far above His creation. Yet, He is near to the humble, the hurting and the lonely.

In verse 18, it reminds us that God sees us. He knows our actions. He knows our sins. Yet, He will heal us and restore us.

So, He knows all. He has no unmet expectations. He knows that we will sin. He knows exactly how we will sin. We cannot disappoint Him.

What?!?!?

I don’t understand this. I cannot fathom not disappointing Him. But, thankfully, I don’t have to understand it. I am human and He is God.

It says elsewhere in scripture that we can grieve Him. He loves us and wants the best for us. But, He has emotions too.

But, we cannot disappoint Him. We do not surprise Him.

The question becomes: What do you do when you sin? Do you say, “I messed up. God (my Father) is going to kill me.”

Or do you say, “I messed up. I need run to God (my Daddy.)”

God’s wrath for our sin is no more. It was paid for on the cross. He is waiting for us to go to Him every time we sin. He will forgive us. Every time.

He can also change our hearts. He longs to be in relationship with us.

Thank you, Father, Abba, Daddy. I worship You.

Seven Minutes

(Originally published December 2024. Good reminder for me to restart.)

I usually set timers to complete tasks that I don’t want to do.

If I need to clean part of the house (you know, the part people will see), I’ll set a timer for 23 minutes.

If I need to do some purging in the closet, I’ll set the timer for 14 minutes.

You can get a lot done in a short amount of time. I guess it helps to know there is an end in sight.

I have my quiet time in the morning. I’ve been going through the Bible in a year with The Bible Recap Podcast http://thebiblerecap.com. This has been very good and it helps me see Jesus on every page of the Bible.

But I am desperate to hear from God. I know in order to do that more, I need to be proactive in listening. This takes discipline.

So, today, I’m beginning a new routine. I am purposely getting quiet for seven minutes. No music, no podcast, no laundry machine. Just me and God and whatever noise is going on outside that I can’t control.

I got in my chair with my blanket. I leaned back and shut my eyes. Deep breath.

It wasn’t long before I opened my eyes to see what was making noise on the street. (sigh…)

I closed them again and started to pray. I listened and waited.

He gave me the idea for this blog. He reminded me that the number 7 is the number of completion.

I thanked Him. And suddenly the time was up.

Nothing earth shattering. But, being still is a discipline and it’s going to take some time (ha!) to get proficient.

Do you take time to be still? To really get quiet? There is a lot of noise. It’s an art to be still and to be comfortable.

Discipline is important and not easy. But the results will be worth it. Being intentional about anything takes discipline. But nothing changes until you do (until I do.) I definitely have some things I want to change. What about you?

First Question

First child. First date. First car. First love. First job. First home.

You can probably remember a lot of firsts in your life. I even remember my first car payment – $260.

The first recorded question in the Bible was from the shrewd serpent. “Did God really say….?”

And since the beginning of my relationship with God, I have been asking the same thing.

Did God really tell me to say that?

Did God really tell me to go down this aisle at the store instead of that one?

Did God really tell me to talk with that person?

Did God really tell me to give that person what is in my wallet?

Did God really tell me to step down from that ministry?

Did God really tell me to leave my job and start my own business?

Did God really tell me to leave my business and start another?

The more you spend time with someone, the more you come to know them. You know their character, their style, their words, their voice.

The more I spend time with God, reading His Word and praying, the more I recognize Him in my day to day life. The more I will know His voice.

The more I look for Him, the more I will see Him. He promises to be found. He promises that He can be heard.

But still the enemy gets in my head and asks (or prompts me to ask), “Did God really say…?”

I want to trust and obey the first time. I want to stand firm. I want to walk in confidence. I long to say, “I know that I know that I know….”

My pondering and over thinking leads me to one simple fact.

I need God. Every moment of every day.

The more I call out to Him – about everything – the more I hear from Him. Oh, Lord. How I need You. This is something that I know that I know that I know.

Thank you, Father.