In one of my small group seasons, a leader was discussing forgiveness. I didn’t think I needed this lesson because I was sure I was not harboring any bad feelings toward anyone. It didn’t take me long to discover, however, that once again, I was wrong.
She began by describing offense as the bait used by the enemy to lure us into bondage.
My interest was piqued. I definitely don’t like giving the enemy any ground and do not want to exist in bondage. I want to live in freedom.
She said forgiveness was not minimizing what happened or even forgetting what happened. I really thought it was to forgive and forget. I thought that made me more spiritual. (Roll eyes here.)
Forgiveness allows us to remember the event without reliving the pain associated with the event. That was a big statement because there is some pretty big pain in this world.
Forgiveness also isn’t reconciliation. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” You can only control you. You cannot control the other person. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you as to whether to even attempt reconciliation.
Some of my group members had to leave the relationship. Others reconciled. Still others are living with daily, constant, reoccurring pain because the offender is still in their life. The Holy Spirit leads and not everyone is led to the same decision.
Towards the end of our group time, my leader brought out a bag of rocks. She instructed us to take rocks equal to the number of people we needed to forgive in our lives. We were to carry that bag with us every where we went.
Pulling out that bag of rocks from my purse when I needed my wallet was fun. Oh, the looks I got! The weight of it lightened every time I chose to forgive someone and threw away the rock.
I recently revisited this object lesson. But instead of a bag of rocks, I chose a small pebble. It’s not a smooth river rock. It has multiple sharp edges. I put it in my sock.
At first, it was very uncomfortable. It jabbed me even when I wasn’t walking.
However, within a short amount of time, I became used to it and didn’t feel it anymore. It just was something to carry with me, like extra baggage.
When we don’t forgive others, it can become part of our identity. We don’t even realize the damage or heaviness. It attaches to us and if we don’t address it, becomes a brick in the wall that surrounds our heart. It may keep us from getting hurt – but also keeps up from being loved and known.
That little pebble left its mark – whether I felt the pain or not. It left an indentation on my foot. I’m sure eventually, it would have cut the skin.
Living with unforgiveness leaves a mark. We can become numb to the pain quite quickly and distracted by other things. However, left unaddressed, it will rob us of our joy, our hope and our confidence. We won’t trust people from the start.
When we choose to forgive them, we release that person from a yoke. This yoke is only around our own necks. We are freed from the weight we are carrying. We begin to walk in freedom.
Dear friend, take a moment and think about who you need to forgive. Have an open and honest conversation with God. Tell Him what happened. Give Him your pain. Tell Him of your desire to forgive the person. Choose to forgive – say it, out loud. Choices lead – feelings follow.
However – if you decide you do NOT want to forgive this person, find a rock and carry it around. Or put a sharp pebble in your sock. The Lord wants your rocks. But He’ll let you carry them as long as you want to. Then it will be yours to manage.
Reclaiming life - day by day and moment by moment. 