Not always obvious

When I was a police officer, I was a trained observer.

Now, Tim has to point out the bright orange flashing construction lights to me because I have become much less aware of my surroundings.

From behind my closed bedroom door, I heard the unmistakable sound of Batman, the cat, purging himself. It’s not a pleasant sound, to say the least.

I knew it was close to my bedroom but I couldn’t find it. The rugs could hide it with the mix of yellow, blue and beige designs. I looked in my office. The rug isn’t as busy but still, it wasn’t obvious where Batman had picked a spot. I eventually moved on to something else.

When I re-entered the office, there it was, in plain sight. I’m not sure how I missed it the first time but I was extremely grateful I didn’t walk through it. (It wouldn’t have been my first time.)

Sometimes our temptations are exceptionally obvious. From the big green “Hot Now” sign advertising the deliciously glazed pastry to the neon signs of “Girls Girls Girls!” These are obvious and not usually missed.

But what about the quiet lure of conversation in the church commons area that leads to gossip? What about the game on your phone that leads you away from your family into another world and away from your loved ones? What about volunteering at church so much that you enjoy the recognition and start to find your identity through that?

Conversation, games and serving at church are not necessarily bad or wrong but they can be the doorway to destruction and sin.

We have an enemy who wants to destroy us. He is a liar and can only speak lies. He is crafty and cunning. He is very real.

But so is the God who created us, who made a way for us to be forgiven, restored and redeemed. And He promises to be with us and provide a way out of temptation. He loves us so very much.

It’s not always obvious when people are struggling with temptation. But you know when you are. The way out is simple but not always easy.

Constant prayer – help me, Lord! Run to the Father – again and again and again!

From favor to falling (nearly)

Today, I asked for favor. I received exceptional favor.

I had to visit a worldwide phone business. I had already been in a loop with the online chat option for 45 minutes. I had been batted back and forth to various people to no avail. So I thought I would visit in person. I prayed before I entered. I am not the most tech savvy person and was afraid I wouldn’t understand what they were saying.

There were plenty of people working and plenty of customers receiving help. I did not have to wait very long.

I told manager David what the issue was and he promptly started to give me a direct number to the same people I had been in a chat loop with earlier. He understood and made a call.

Then he got transferred to the loop people. But, this guy helped.

He listened. Understood what I needed. Made the change and then…lowered my monthly bill by $80 or so. So much favor!

I was quite thankful and left with a spring in my step.

I told God of my gratefulness and proceeded to my next errand. Where I promptly wanted to celebrate with some chocolate.

Why do I keep trying to get on the same merry go round?

Now hear me, people. Is there anything immoral or wrong or sinful about chocolate? No, chocolate is marvelous and is on earth to be enjoyed.

But, the Lord has shown me (multiple times because, well, I don’t always listen) that chocolate is not going to satisfy my cravings. My cravings are sometimes my idols. I want to be satisfied by God and by God alone. By His word and not my fleshly desires.

So I nearly fell into the snare that the enemy had laid for me. But, I resisted and prayed and reminded myself that the Lord has good things for me. I can trust in Him.

Earlier this year, I participated in a 40-day Sugar Fast and read the book of the same name by Wendy Speake. I’ll write more about this at a later date.

I made it to the check out line with out chocolate. The Lord is good. He is my portion.

Because I love you…

We all know that we use the word love with a variety of meanings.

I love finding the perfect parking spot. I love clean sheets. I love Xena, the wonder dog. I love my kids/grands and Tim.

I also love God.

Why is it so easy for me to do things for Tim/kids/grands – even Xena because of my love for them but, not so easy for me to do things for God. *OUCH*

Obedience is one way to show God that I love Him. Not because I think he will punish me if I don’t. But because I love Him, I will do what He asks. I know that in my head. Please, Lord, let it penetrate my heart and my will.

Scripture is loaded with reminders of obedience and love.

John 15:10 – When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love….

John 14:23 – Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say.”

Obedience can be defined as compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority. I want to be fully submitted to the authority of God. He has created me (and you) on purpose and for a purpose. He has good plans and can be trusted. Why do I continue to disobey – or in other words, why do I rebel?

Let’s go back to scripture.

Luke 6:46 – “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say?

1 Samuel 15:23 – Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols.

Egad!

Lord, once again, I’m convicted of my rebellion and stubbornness. Thank you, Lord, that there is NO CONDEMNATION! Thank you for your forgiveness. Change my heart, Lord. Remind me again and again that YOU alone are worthy. YOU can be trusted. I don’t have to understand. I just need to trust.

Happy?!? Not really.

Today was Mother’s Day. It is not always happy.

I remember choosing not to go to church on this day many times. It was hard.

I think about my friends whose lives have not turned out the way they planned. No children. No husband. Today is another reminder of what they don’t have.

I think about my friends who long for children. I hurt for them because it’s not natural nor easy for them.

I think about those who have had to bury their children. I can’t even imagine the pain.

I think about those who aren’t celebrated and are belittled even for thinking they should be.

I think about friends who had a great relationship with their mom’s but they cannot hug them anymore.

I think about those who had an awful mother and wonder what there is to be happy about.

I think about step moms who may not ever get a thank you let alone a whole celebration.

Mother’s Day is hard for so many reasons.

But, please know that you are seen and are truly loved. Your Creator knows your heart, your joy, and your pain.

Resetting expectations of this day and your current life situation starts with thinking truth on purpose. Remind yourself that God is a good Father. He chose you. He had something to be done (a purpose) and then created you to fulfill that purpose. Trust Him to do immeasurably more than you can ask. He is a good Father. Choose to think this way and your feelings will follow.

Tell Him. Cry out to Him. Be amazed at how He comforts You. And it’s not something to do just for this Mother’s Day. It’s for everyday and for every situation.

Once again…

New year. New month. New week. New day.

We like new. Like a fresh sheet of paper wanting to be inscribed. Like warm baked bread inviting cozy conversations and soup. Like a new blanket of snow waiting for the first footprints of man or animal.

Wait…that last one. Snow….Let me rethink that.

We were promised snow. We got ice. I’m thankful for weather people but, they are not in charge.

Still, it was pretty to look at. Everything stopped. It was quiet and peaceful. This was day one.

After a few days with very cold temperatures (one day they matched temperatures in Alaska), it wasn’t so lovely anymore. People wanted out. Being still was for day one – not for day three.

It’s amazing how people (including myself) react when freedoms are suddenly limited. Anyone remember 2020?

One thing I noticed was the amount of complaining! The roads weren’t clear. Someone didn’t say if their road was open or closed. People driving around barricades. The city, the mayor, the state weren’t doing enough. Banks weren’t open. My dog won’t go outside to use the bathroom. (My Xena – the Wonder Dog – had no issue with this. Thankfully.)

I’m trying to approach each new day, new struggle, new unknown with the simple thought of, “What does this make possible?”

This ‘delay’ gave some the opportunity to reorganize their cabinets, read a book, clean their bathtub. Others got some fun sledding and ice skating experiences.

An ice storm makes me again appreciate the first responders (including wrecker drivers) who were so exhausted after day one but kept doing what they were asked to do. Local 4×4 owners coordinated getting people (including hospital workers) to work and then home. Area restaurants who were able to open served others with limited staff.

It gave me an opportunity to thank the cashier at Publix. She was one of two during an open few hours some were able to venture out. She was tired and in need of a break. I couldn’t give her that but I could give her a kind word and sincere appreciation. Some in the line didn’t speak to her. I guess they just wanted to get their groceries and get home. I understand that. Who know what they were dealing with?

But I can smile and appreciate and speak with kind words.

And it wasn’t just because my dog will use the bathroom outside.

Looking Back. Looking Ahead.

Wow! Year ending in less than 2 hours (CST.)

I have to look back and reflect on my year. I see the good and the not so much. I see the progress and the still to do. I look at pictures and remember the smiles and the belly laughs. I also remember the empty chairs and people no longer here.

Life changes so very quickly sometimes. It’s hard and messy. It’s wonderful and amazing. Which are you focused on?

I have to deal with the hard stuff and the messes that follow. But I also want to wonder and to be amazed at something every day of 2024. That is going to take intentionality. I will have to really search some days for something that is wonderful, that is worth smiling about.

But I can always look up. God is good. He never changes. Never loves me less. He is constant. Is present. Is with me. Thank you, Lord.

Definitely worth smiling about.

I’m Ready

You know when you finally make a decision on the wall color and you let out that sigh as you open the paint can?

Or when you’ve looked at all of the options in the frozen food aisle and you finally decide on a gluten free pizza and you are raising a hallelujah when you finally turn your oven to 425 degrees?

A decision was made and now you are ready for the next step in the process.

I told God I was ready. I am finally ready to remember things from my childhood. I don’t know if there are things that were done to me or things that I did. Whichever – it’s a bit daunting.

But I told God I was ready to know if He was ready to reveal.

I remember some things from childhood. But I recently found out some big events that I don’t recall at all. Where was I? How did I miss what was going on? Is that when I learned to escape into TV and books?

I spoke of these questions to someone who was going to pray over me. She reminded me that God may not reveal and He has a purpose in that too. Or perhaps there is nothing scary or shocking or sad to reveal. Maybe not. Perhaps I’ll remember something funny, or touching, or affirming. That would be good also.

But, I do know that if there is something that’s not pretty, I’m ready to know, to deal and then to move on. Healing…dealing…realizing…forgiving…whatever-ing.

I’m ready.

The Day After

It’s Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. It’s a day full of emotions – most of which are not pretty.

No shopping. No get togethers. A lot of alone time with my mind. Not always the best combination.

My family is fractured. I realize it most days but holidays really puts an emphasis on it. Maybe even triple the normal amount of exclamation points.

Whether it’s through death, divorce, obstinance, hurt, not everyone is together.

If I’m not careful, these thoughts will consume me. I will become upset, hateful and bitter. If I travel down this path, I wonder why isn’t she talking with me? Did I offend someone? Why do people use their kids as a weapon? Why can’t we be adults and talk about whatever the problem is?

And then I start to make up answers. If only…well, maybe this is the reason why…or I’m sure they feel this way. Not helpful.

I begin to lose focus on what a good time we had yesterday. The 17 of us that were together laughed and ate and shared. We remembered the rolls but forgot mom’s sweet potato casserole in the microwave. Memories were made.

So once again I have a choice as to what to fix my mind on. Do I let the walls that other people have surrounding their hearts surround my heart too or do I concentrate on what is right in front of me? Love, family and friends. Not to mention the fried turkey and cheesecake.

So thankful for Jesus – who never changes, who always loves, always pursues. It is in Him that I place my heart, my wounds, my hope. He promises to restore, to heal, to never leave us alone.

I hate that our family is fractured. But, I must continue to choose to love. I must continue to pray. I must continue to hope.

“Merry?”

Yes, it’s Christmas. But is it ‘merry’?

To the one who is alone…

To the one who is sick…

To the one who has lost loved ones…

To the one who is wondering if their marriage will survive…

To the one whose family is so very fractured…

It’s still Christmas. And there is joy and peace and contentment. But, you have to search for it.

Think about those shepherds in the field. It’s night and they are the watchmen over the flock. Another mundane and routine night. Perhaps they were grumbling about their home life…their aches…their lost dreams.

Suddenly, there was light and a message from an angel! I doubt one of them said to another, “Nope, I’ll look for the baby tomorrow. No need to search tonight.”

Luke 2 states they said, “Let’s go!” and they hurried to Bethlehem to find the child.

I’m taking sometime today – in the midst of angst, disappointment and in the hard times to search for the baby in the manger. Remember what happened on that first Christmas. “To us a child is born…the Savior of the world.” He is our hope. In Him we find our joy and contentment.

Our lives don’t look like Hallmark movies. But our hearts can always be content when we anchor our hope on Him.

Merry Christmas!

Surprise!

Have you ever had the fun of giving someone a surprise gift? Have you ever bought the food or drink of someone behind you in the drive thru or saw someone struggling at the check out line and told the clerk that you would pay for their groceries?

I’ve heard stories of people (celebrities and regular people) paying off people’s layaway bills or putting cash into products at the store.

Can you imagine the look on the recipient’s face? Shock. Disbelief. Overwhelming joy.

Tim and I have been able to do this occasionally. It’s fun. Rarely do we get to see their faces, though. Most of the time, we hurry along in case someone identifies us. One time, we were able to give a gift of cash through a third party. Oh, I would have loved to have seen the look of surprise and the confusion when a stranger gave them an envelope full of money.

As much fun as it is to give, it is also a joy to receive. We were recipients of an unexpected blessing this week. Someone paid for two months of our grandsons school tuition.

When I received a text notification of the gift, I lost it. And I am not a crier. I couldn’t believe it! I was overwhelmed!

I called Tim and he thought I had terrible news. He knows I rarely cry. We were both ecstatic. We were humbled and joyful and thankful and loved.

God gives us those gifts. From Him are all things and to Him are all things…He deserves the glory.

We all have something we can give. It doesn’t have to be money or something lavish. Being His hands and feet, means letting God use you in ways both big and small. Give a kind word, a smile, some time. Write a note of encouragement – and you don’t have to sign it. Remind someone that they are seen. Ask God. He’ll show you.