Things Change

My retreat week has been quite uneventful. It’s been great. Very slow-moving. But things for others have changed. And sometimes it was quite quickly.

One man was doing his job – just as he had done for many years. But this day didn’t end like the others. He was struck by a vehicle and died.

I wonder about his wife. Did he kiss her goodbye that morning or because it was so early, did he let her sleep? Did they have lunch plans later that day or a vacation planned?

I wonder about the person who was driving the vehicle. What is he feeling?

People in California had to pack quickly and evacuate because of fires. What about their families, friends, pets, homes? Did they grab their pictures?

A person my age had a stroke. How has his life changed? A young person had a virus that landed him in the hospital for days. What has been going on in his mind?

Tim had minor surgery this week. Everything went as planned and we ended the day eating supper together and laughing. Other people received different news.

Oh, how do people do life without knowing that God is in control…that there is a plan and a purpose for pain? It’s hard sometimes even when we know that God is working. But there is comfort and peace that comes with that knowledge.

Peace isn’t the absence of pain or trouble or hurt. It is the very presence of Jesus in the midst of all that. Invite His presence into every area of your life. Every area – even the pain, the hurt, the doubts.

Oh, thank you, Lord. We don’t understand but, we trust in You. You are working – even when we don’t see it.

Where Do I Begin?

It’s 2025 and I am beginning the year with a me and Jesus retreat! (Please, forgive the grammar.)

I’ve looked forward to this for months and I am finally here. I packed nearly everything, said goodbye to the family (Xena, the wonder dog, was sulking) and drove for just an hour or so and made it without incident.

There are 18 steps to the door of this little apartment. I tried not to over pack. I did bring several bags of food. But, I thought it would be smart to bring the giant suitcase with just a few clothes and then pack the paint supplies, the canvases, the books, journals and my favorite slippers. 18 steps. Multiple times. I was tired when I finally got inside and locked the door.

I plugged in the little Christmas tree and lit my new candle. I unpacked and everything is neat and orderly.

I took a shower (first one today – and since I won’t be seeing anyone, it may be the only one for a few days.) I am certainly relaxed now.

How do I begin this time with my Father? How do I create the ‘right’ atmosphere for me to hear from Him?

I am extremely grateful. I thank Him for safe travel, for food, for heat, for peace and quiet. I thank Him for a husband who doesn’t mind me going off by myself, for my church being broadcast over the internet. I thank Him for being right here all of the time.

I have plans for this retreat. Plans to write, to walk, to exercise, to complete a puzzle. Plans to paint and to nap and to sit on the balcony and just look at the view.

But my top priority is to connect with Jesus and to see what His plans for me are. You don’t have to be in a special place or have things in order to connect with Him.

You just need a willing heart, open ears and to be still.

Start with gratitude. Tell Him you love Him. Just start.

Love or Self-Preservation

How many times do you extend yourself to others who either don’t respond at all or don’t respond in a positive way?

You may remember that our family is fractured. (See post “The Day After” from November 2023.) This is always magnified by the holidays.

I spoke with my pastor’s wife. She has family hardships too. What?!?! Pastor’s families aren’t picture perfect? That may surprise some but, as a pastor’s kid, I can tell you they aren’t. Everyone has issues – whether they are apparent or not.

But God is sovereign.

We often extend invitations. However, many times we either get zero response or a definitive NO. How many times do we keep reaching out?

How many times do we keep being hopeful only to end up disappointed?

We are called to be like Jesus. We are to compare ourselves to Him alone.

He kept asking, kept loving, kept forgiving. And He knew their hearts!

I want to know the highs and lows and everything in between in my families lives. I want to live life with them and not on separate islands. I want them to know Jesus and to have a relationship with Him. I want them to know how much they are loved.

So, we continue to reach out, to invite, to ask questions. As a wise woman once told me, “We can give (people) love. We just cannot dictate how they receive it.”

By the way, we did get two yes responses this year! We are hopeful for more.

What Are You Going To Do?

It was a question I did not want to hear and definitely did not want to answer.

We had some friends over for dinner last night. Mom was entertaining the five year old and the other adults were telling God stories at the table.

Tim recounted how we met and fell in love. He told the story of how we came to this church and how God has been using us. Our guest told stories too about how big and awesome our God is.

I was quiet and then said that I found this conversation convicting. I recently found out someone I know has cancer and is now home on hospice. I wrote her a note and recounted memories of times together. Everyone wants to know they made a difference and were seen.

But I made no mention of God, salvation or eternal life.

My guest asked the poignant question, “So, what are you going to do?” I didn’t know. They said I could write another card or call or stop by. Stop by? What? Like unannounced? To drop in on someone I haven’t seen in years when they are in a delicate state? That takes another level of confidence I don’t have.

So, my wise husband then suggested I ask the Holy Spirit.

Whew! That’s another truth I needed to hear.

If I say I am a Christian, I follow Christ, I believe that there is an eternal life spent in hell or heaven, why wouldn’t I want to tell others?

Because I’ve believed a lie. It’s not my ‘calling.’ It’s not my ‘gifting.’ I’ve followed the fear.

The truth is that we are all called to be the light in the world. We are to be like Jesus. Well, He definitely went around telling people about eternal life.

Again – let’s go back to what I know to be true. If God is for us, who can be against us? The Lord hasn’t given me a spirit of fear – but one of love, power and a sound mind. He will never leave me. He is always with me and promises to meet my needs. He directs my steps. He gives me the words.

Alright – I am moving forward. Help my unbelief!

So, my friend, what are YOU going to do?

Commitment or Perfection?

Leadership expert John C. Maxwell states he is a writer so he writes everyday.

Really? Every day?!?!?

When I checked to see how many books he has written, I got several answers. One said 130, another said 203 and yet another said 860!

Whichever is correct, this much is true. The man writes! He is committed to it.

But does this make him perfect?

When I read stories of great people in the Bible, I tend to ‘perfectionize’ them. I see Noah building that ark day after day after day – never getting tired or taking a day off. I see Solomon building the temple never wavering in his commitment to finish. I see Paul traveling from town to town preaching the gospel and never resting from speaking or his writing.

But is this true? No. They were human like us. They grew weary and tired. They were frustrated and had doubts too.

But they were committed to God. They were not perfect in their commitment. But they were committed.

I’ve been committed to Tim for over 18 years now. Have I been perfect in that commitment? Have I honored him 100% of the time? No. Yet, I am committed.

I say that God has called me to write and yet I waiver on being committed to writing. But, maybe I’m trying to be perfect.

But once again, God has not called me to perfection. He has asked me to trust and obey Him.

So, again, I start anew. Another day, take another step forward. Just keep moving.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness, for forgiveness, for fresh starts. Help my unbelief!

True today. True tomorrow.

Psalm 33:4 For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does.

Our 9-year-old grandson memorized this verse for school.

It struck me how succinct and complete it was.

Fifteen words that have massive significance.

Everything in Scripture is true. It’s timeless. It’s not fresh one day and then rots the next. It’s applicable to our current situation and will be again years from now.

We can trust what God does. What He does cannot counter Who God is – His character. He is for you. He alone is worthy. He thinks about You constantly and longs for a relationship with you.

He never promises everything that happens in this world will make sense to us. It will not always be logical. We may have wanted (prayed for) another route or solution to the problem.

If the word of the Lord holds true, then we can trust everything He does. It is consistent with His character. What do we have to worry about? (Matthew 6:25-34) We can cast our cares on Him because He cares for us! (1 Peter 5:7) He is the Shepherd and is guiding us! (Psalm 23) No hair falls from our head that He doesn’t know about! (Matthew 10:30) He has redeemed our lives from the pit and sets us firmly on a rock! (Psalm 40:2)

Hallelujah!

How Many Rocks Do You Carry?

In one of my small group seasons, a leader was discussing forgiveness. I didn’t think I needed this lesson because I was sure I was not harboring any bad feelings toward anyone. It didn’t take me long to discover, however, that once again, I was wrong.

She began by describing offense as the bait used by the enemy to lure us into bondage.

My interest was piqued. I definitely don’t like giving the enemy any ground and do not want to exist in bondage. I want to live in freedom.

She said forgiveness was not minimizing what happened or even forgetting what happened. I really thought it was to forgive and forget. I thought that made me more spiritual. (Roll eyes here.)

Forgiveness allows us to remember the event without reliving the pain associated with the event. That was a big statement because there is some pretty big pain in this world.

Forgiveness also isn’t reconciliation. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” You can only control you. You cannot control the other person. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you as to whether to even attempt reconciliation.

Some of my group members had to leave the relationship. Others reconciled. Still others are living with daily, constant, reoccurring pain because the offender is still in their life. The Holy Spirit leads and not everyone is led to the same decision.

Towards the end of our group time, my leader brought out a bag of rocks. She instructed us to take rocks equal to the number of people we needed to forgive in our lives. We were to carry that bag with us every where we went.

Pulling out that bag of rocks from my purse when I needed my wallet was fun. Oh, the looks I got! The weight of it lightened every time I chose to forgive someone and threw away the rock.

I recently revisited this object lesson. But instead of a bag of rocks, I chose a small pebble. It’s not a smooth river rock. It has multiple sharp edges. I put it in my sock.

At first, it was very uncomfortable. It jabbed me even when I wasn’t walking.

However, within a short amount of time, I became used to it and didn’t feel it anymore. It just was something to carry with me, like extra baggage.

When we don’t forgive others, it can become part of our identity. We don’t even realize the damage or heaviness. It attaches to us and if we don’t address it, becomes a brick in the wall that surrounds our heart. It may keep us from getting hurt – but also keeps up from being loved and known.

That little pebble left its mark – whether I felt the pain or not. It left an indentation on my foot. I’m sure eventually, it would have cut the skin.

Living with unforgiveness leaves a mark. We can become numb to the pain quite quickly and distracted by other things. However, left unaddressed, it will rob us of our joy, our hope and our confidence. We won’t trust people from the start.

When we choose to forgive them, we release that person from a yoke. This yoke is only around our own necks. We are freed from the weight we are carrying. We begin to walk in freedom.

Dear friend, take a moment and think about who you need to forgive. Have an open and honest conversation with God. Tell Him what happened. Give Him your pain. Tell Him of your desire to forgive the person. Choose to forgive – say it, out loud. Choices lead – feelings follow.

However – if you decide you do NOT want to forgive this person, find a rock and carry it around. Or put a sharp pebble in your sock. The Lord wants your rocks. But He’ll let you carry them as long as you want to. Then it will be yours to manage.

Never Alone

There have been many times where I have felt completely alone.

When I had to put my first dog down. When I had to put my second dog down.

When I needed to move the washer and dryer just an inch or two and I couldn’t make it budge.

When I moved to Florida. When I moved back to Alabama.

Have you ever felt alone? I’m sure everyone has at one time or another. It’s one of the great lies the enemy likes to tell us. You know the voice, the whisper.

You need to make this decision by yourself. There is no one to help you – so help yourself. You have no friends so you need to start acting this way so they want to be your friend. No one cares about you.

I cringed on that last one. How many times have I believed that? How many times did I feel like God had abandoned me so I turned to my sin for comfort? Or I retreated from everything and everyone to protect myself?

But the truth is that God never leaves us. He is always with us. “He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Deuteronomy 3:16)

Here is how I want to live each day and approach life. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Speak truth over yourself everyday. Remind the enemy (and yourself) of who your God is.

Lord, I need you today. Please help. I need direction. Show me what You want me to do. I know You are here. I am not alone. I do not understand but, I trust in You.

Have questions? Ask God. Need help? Ask God. He wants to help and guide and love and heal and protect you.

You never have to do anything by yourself.

The Timing of Obedience

“Karen, when I ask you to do something, I mean now!”

I grew up hearing those words from parents, teachers, bosses. And they meant it – stop what you are doing and do as I said!

Where is my sense of immediacy when it comes to what God tells me to do?

Just this morning (not unlike other mornings), my Father asked me to write. I heard Him. I understood the assignment. I have the necessary skills and resources.

But, I needed to clean the cat box. It is trash day. I needed to pull weeds because, it’s trash day. Then I needed to do some laundry. You know – just because it was there. Then I needed to vacuum because I hadn’t in a while.

All the while I was having a discussion in my head. Was that really You, Lord? Was it my voice or Yours? You wouldn’t really want me to put the vacuum down and leave the job unfinished, would You? That wouldn’t make any sense.

I saw my daughter in law texted and asked me to call her. My lawn guy said he was coming tomorrow. These things needed acknowledgment!

And then there was work I had to follow up on. It’s been over two hours since the initial direction was given. And I’m just now being obedient.

Lord, please forgive me. I repent for the 100th time – for the same thing. For disobedience. Which ultimately is the result of me not trusting You. Thank you for your patience.

And yes, I see that post it note on my monitor. And now I can answer, yes!

My Idol of Comfort

I love my comfort.

My easy commute from the bedroom to my home office. My food in the pantry and fridge. My easy chair. My hot showers. My schedule. My car. Myself in the driver’s seat.

That last one speaks to my overall need for control. I like to know what is happening, when it is happening and what is expected from me when ‘it’ does happen. This provides immense comfort.

My husband’s workplace provided an opportunity to forgo all of the above in an effort to serve other people in Peru. I did not want to go at first. But, the more I realized I had an idol of comfort, the more I understood that the Lord wanted me to go. I needed to lay down my idol.

It has been several years since I have traveled by plane and several more since I had been outside the country. But again, I needed to go.

Tim and I traveled with 7 others to Pucallpa, Peru. I knew some of the group but not all. Someone else made the travel arrangements. Overnight travel in a sardine can. We flew into Lima first. There must have been a million people in that airport. It was quite chaotic.

The flight to Pucallpa was uneventful and we disembarked on the tarmac. It was hot and humid. Not Alabama humidity – but jungle humidity. Our hosts met us and we traveled by car to our home away from home.

Traffic was nuts! Most drove motorkars which is a motorcycle with a cart on the back. There were regular motorcycles too dodging in and out of the lanes. Stop signs were suggestions. And there were people and street dogs everywhere.

We drove into a gated area that reminded me of summer camp. There were a few homes, a work shop, the laundry, dining hall and dormitories. We shared the upstairs accommodations with another couple. We were on the lake and it was beautiful. At least one tarantula had a home nearby.

On Sunday, we walked down a few blocks of dirt streets to a community church. Fewer people were seen on Sunday morning but there were plenty of street dogs. Everyone was quite friendly with wonderful smiles. I recognized the first song we sang (Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord.)

That’s when it hit me. God is big. We were thousands of miles from Alabama. Different people. Different language. Different habits. Different food. Different life. Same God.

I didn’t always understand the language. I couldn’t hear the interpreter to understand the message. But we were reading from the same scriptures and worshipping the same God.

God is big.

And that provided a comfort to me unlike any other. Thank you, Lord, for opening the eyes of my heart. You are so very loving.