Highs and Lows

Ah, the month of May.  Usually a month of warmer temperatures, graduations, weddings, vacations and the unofficial start of summer.

May 2019 had some extreme highs –

  • We planted our garden and harvested one
    radish.  Tim and I split it.
  • One of our grandsons graduated from Pre-K.
  • Tim and I celebrated 13 years of marriage.
  • My oldest nephew graduated high school.

May 2019 had some intense lows-

  • My sister in law is having complications after surgery.
  • A friend lost her father after a long illness.
  • People I don’t even know lost both of their parents in one night.
  • My oldest nephew lost a friend to suicide.

That’s at least the second friend of my nephew who chose that option.  My heart aches for his family.  My heart aches for my nephew. This is an all too common experience.

I know people who have threatened suicide and those who have followed through. In every case there are multiple unanswered questions and it leaves devastated family and friends in the wake.

I know the struggle with depression (aka the black dog) is real. I am not an expert (nor am I attempting to be.) I know that we all struggle in one way or another.  I know that some is physical, and some is spiritual. I also know there is help available to all.

I know it feeds off negative self-talk and makes you believe that nothing can change. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell. The black dog tries to keep you isolated so you only hear that one negative voice. It makes you want to act on your feelings but feelings aren’t always true and they do change.

Choose to think what you think on purpose! Combat the desire to be alone! Reach out to someone who will listen! If the first person doesn’t, find someone else! Please believe that you are created on purpose and for a purpose. You have value! You are the only you there is. You are unique.

There – start with that thought.  YOU ARE UNIQUE.  Tell yourself (in the mirror) I AM UNIQUE. Some of the synonyms are exceptional, extraordinary, rare, special.  Say those words over and over again – day after day.  You may not feel it but remember, feelings will change.  Say it until you believe it.

Reclaim your life.  Live beyond the lie that nothing will change.

First step…

I am blessed to live near a walking and biking path along a creek.  I often take Xena with me and when I do, it is less of a leisurely walk and more of a walk fast, stop, walk fast, turn around, stop.  Walk faster!

One afternoon we were enjoying the nice weather and came upon a man practicing his Tai Chi (or something like that.) It’s always so beautiful and graceful. He usually doesn’t break his routine when we approach but that day he did.

He told us he had just seen a coyote on the other side of the creek walking in the same direction we were. The creek was low and could easily be crossed by human or animal. I thanked him and Xena and I continued our way.  I found a thick tree limb that had fallen and picked it up and carried it like a sword ready to strike. We were approaching a part of the path that was covered with trees on both sides. My vision was limited.

I suddenly was walking purposeful with a steadfast gaze to the front, to the side and to the rear.  I was on high alert.

What changed? Xena and I had been aimlessly wandering around on familiar territory.  Suddenly, I was made aware of a potential danger that could come from any direction. I armed myself and prepared for battle.

Thankfully, we never saw the coyote and made it home safely. I was able to drop my weapon when I got into my neighborhood.

I started thinking about my response to the perceived danger.  I was going to protect myself and my beloved dog.  I was hyper-aware of my surroundings and I wanted to get to the safety of home as soon as possible.

As a Christian, I have a real enemy. He is always lurking nearby – prowling and waiting to devour me. Why am I not as vigilant with that enemy as I was with something that turned out to be nothing?

Most of my life I have spent wondering around without awareness of him and his intent on limiting me and my purpose in life.  He has attacked me with lies, busyness, loneliness, depression, and the biggest one of all – FEAR. All of which is to make me ineffective in living out my purpose – which is to reflect Christ and point people to Him.

Well, today starts a new chapter.  I am done procrastinating and listening to the lies.  I am done thinking that I can make no difference to anyone with my words. I am done thinking and thinking and thinking about writing and not writing. I am blogging with a purpose.  I am living out what I am called to do.

Beware, devil.  I know you are out there.  I am prepared.  And by the way, I know the final outcome.