Tag: counselor

According to Mirriam-Webster, the definition of duplicity is “contradictory doubleness of thought speech or action.”

I feel like this defines my life right now. I know it’s not good or healthy.

I work but am extremely lazy.

I believe in Christ but have doubts.

I am a writer but succumb to the lure of the tube.

I want a tidy home but will step over the piles in my office.

I want to be healthy but will eat candy like I drink water.

I want to be an adult and be mature but sometimes it’s only my gray that shows maturity.

I want to establish routines but I fall apart after a day or two.

I want to be a woman of prayer but start scrolling after the Bible reading.

I set a daily work schedule and then don’t care when I don’t even do the first item.

I want to be excellent in all but am very content (and excellent) in mediocrity.

The apostle Paul knew about this life too.

In Romans 7:15 he wrote, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Am I just a lazy Christian? Am I lukewarm? Am I a non-believer? Do I not love Jesus enough? Sigh….

Currently looking for a counselor that can help me figure out what all of this means and where it stems from. I have grown very apathetic.

It’s not a good place to be. But sometimes “known bondage is more comfortable than unknown freedom.”