Looking Back. Looking Ahead.

Wow! Year ending in less than 2 hours (CST.)

I have to look back and reflect on my year. I see the good and the not so much. I see the progress and the still to do. I look at pictures and remember the smiles and the belly laughs. I also remember the empty chairs and people no longer here.

Life changes so very quickly sometimes. It’s hard and messy. It’s wonderful and amazing. Which are you focused on?

I have to deal with the hard stuff and the messes that follow. But I also want to wonder and to be amazed at something every day of 2024. That is going to take intentionality. I will have to really search some days for something that is wonderful, that is worth smiling about.

But I can always look up. God is good. He never changes. Never loves me less. He is constant. Is present. Is with me. Thank you, Lord.

Definitely worth smiling about.

I’m Ready

You know when you finally make a decision on the wall color and you let out that sigh as you open the paint can?

Or when you’ve looked at all of the options in the frozen food aisle and you finally decide on a gluten free pizza and you are raising a hallelujah when you finally turn your oven to 425 degrees?

A decision was made and now you are ready for the next step in the process.

I told God I was ready. I am finally ready to remember things from my childhood. I don’t know if there are things that were done to me or things that I did. Whichever – it’s a bit daunting.

But I told God I was ready to know if He was ready to reveal.

I remember some things from childhood. But I recently found out some big events that I don’t recall at all. Where was I? How did I miss what was going on? Is that when I learned to escape into TV and books?

I spoke of these questions to someone who was going to pray over me. She reminded me that God may not reveal and He has a purpose in that too. Or perhaps there is nothing scary or shocking or sad to reveal. Maybe not. Perhaps I’ll remember something funny, or touching, or affirming. That would be good also.

But, I do know that if there is something that’s not pretty, I’m ready to know, to deal and then to move on. Healing…dealing…realizing…forgiving…whatever-ing.

I’m ready.

The Day After

It’s Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. It’s a day full of emotions – most of which are not pretty.

No shopping. No get togethers. A lot of alone time with my mind. Not always the best combination.

My family is fractured. I realize it most days but holidays really puts an emphasis on it. Maybe even triple the normal amount of exclamation points.

Whether it’s through death, divorce, obstinance, hurt, not everyone is together.

If I’m not careful, these thoughts will consume me. I will become upset, hateful and bitter. If I travel down this path, I wonder why isn’t she talking with me? Did I offend someone? Why do people use their kids as a weapon? Why can’t we be adults and talk about whatever the problem is?

And then I start to make up answers. If only…well, maybe this is the reason why…or I’m sure they feel this way. Not helpful.

I begin to lose focus on what a good time we had yesterday. The 17 of us that were together laughed and ate and shared. We remembered the rolls but forgot mom’s sweet potato casserole in the microwave. Memories were made.

So once again I have a choice as to what to fix my mind on. Do I let the walls that other people have surrounding their hearts surround my heart too or do I concentrate on what is right in front of me? Love, family and friends. Not to mention the fried turkey and cheesecake.

So thankful for Jesus – who never changes, who always loves, always pursues. It is in Him that I place my heart, my wounds, my hope. He promises to restore, to heal, to never leave us alone.

I hate that our family is fractured. But, I must continue to choose to love. I must continue to pray. I must continue to hope.

“Merry?”

Yes, it’s Christmas. But is it ‘merry’?

To the one who is alone…

To the one who is sick…

To the one who has lost loved ones…

To the one who is wondering if their marriage will survive…

To the one whose family is so very fractured…

It’s still Christmas. And there is joy and peace and contentment. But, you have to search for it.

Think about those shepherds in the field. It’s night and they are the watchmen over the flock. Another mundane and routine night. Perhaps they were grumbling about their home life…their aches…their lost dreams.

Suddenly, there was light and a message from an angel! I doubt one of them said to another, “Nope, I’ll look for the baby tomorrow. No need to search tonight.”

Luke 2 states they said, “Let’s go!” and they hurried to Bethlehem to find the child.

I’m taking sometime today – in the midst of angst, disappointment and in the hard times to search for the baby in the manger. Remember what happened on that first Christmas. “To us a child is born…the Savior of the world.” He is our hope. In Him we find our joy and contentment.

Our lives don’t look like Hallmark movies. But our hearts can always be content when we anchor our hope on Him.

Merry Christmas!

Surprise!

Have you ever had the fun of giving someone a surprise gift? Have you ever bought the food or drink of someone behind you in the drive thru or saw someone struggling at the check out line and told the clerk that you would pay for their groceries?

I’ve heard stories of people (celebrities and regular people) paying off people’s layaway bills or putting cash into products at the store.

Can you imagine the look on the recipient’s face? Shock. Disbelief. Overwhelming joy.

Tim and I have been able to do this occasionally. It’s fun. Rarely do we get to see their faces, though. Most of the time, we hurry along in case someone identifies us. One time, we were able to give a gift of cash through a third party. Oh, I would have loved to have seen the look of surprise and the confusion when a stranger gave them an envelope full of money.

As much fun as it is to give, it is also a joy to receive. We were recipients of an unexpected blessing this week. Someone paid for two months of our grandsons school tuition.

When I received a text notification of the gift, I lost it. And I am not a crier. I couldn’t believe it! I was overwhelmed!

I called Tim and he thought I had terrible news. He knows I rarely cry. We were both ecstatic. We were humbled and joyful and thankful and loved.

God gives us those gifts. From Him are all things and to Him are all things…He deserves the glory.

We all have something we can give. It doesn’t have to be money or something lavish. Being His hands and feet, means letting God use you in ways both big and small. Give a kind word, a smile, some time. Write a note of encouragement – and you don’t have to sign it. Remind someone that they are seen. Ask God. He’ll show you.

Gift of Time

It’s the holiday season. A time of thanksgiving and gift exchanging. A time for family and friends. A time of cooking and feasting. A time of running and running and running.

Today, however, I was given the gift of time. I am overwhelmed with the amount of work I have. Thankful, yet overwhelmed with the volume. I have been working on one particular file for a week! It’s a bear! Meanwhile, other files have piled up in my ‘to do’ box.

I was double checking some documents and was so close to wrapping up this file. I was so thrilled. Then it happened. The website froze and a giant Error message was displayed on the screen.

I checked my attitude and decided to be thankful for the time. I put in a load of laundry. I got something to eat (it was a bit after 11a and my stomach let me know.)

That was productive. But I also just wanted to sit in front of the TV and watch a rerun of some comedy and just vegetate. But then, I remembered Sunday’s sermon.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

God has good things in store for me. He has given me gifts and talents and wants me to use them to bring Him glory.

I have said a billion (maybe) times, “I want to write!” But then my world shifts and things get in the way and I forget my gift.

When doing the Lord’s will, expect spiritual opposition. We can always find an excuse or an obstacle to NOT do what we are to do.

2 Peter 1:3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

God has equipped his children with everything we need to live out our calling. We are called to use our gifts to point people to Christ, whether it’s 5 people or 5,000,000. We all have a sphere of influence.

The website is functional now. I can finish my work. But first, with the gift of time, I was able to work on my calling.

Use Your Ears

The other day I was chatting with a friend over coffee. We were reminiscing and laughing and thinking of younger days. We have been friends for years. Some years were closer than others.

Somehow we got on the subject of being present at big events. She always makes it a priority to go to weddings and funerals. She traveled a lot of miles over the summer just for such events.

She mentioned that she is still upset that she wasn’t able to make it my father’s funeral. I told her again that it was fine. It was in another state during a busy work season. I had no expectation of her to attend.

“You have never said you’ve forgiven me.”

Wow! That took me back. No, I’m sure I never did say I forgave her because I didn’t think there was anything to forgive. But she needed those words.

And she had been carrying this around for nine years!

I was so thankful she said something and that I could say what she needed to hear! Yes…YES, I forgive you!

When someone says they are sorry, they are looking for a response from you. Are you forgiving or dismissive, as I was with my friend? I didn’t listen to what she was saying. I didn’t see her not attending an out of state funeral during a notoriously busy time at her work as something to be sorry for. But she did. And I dismissed her.

That is not who I want to be. If I truly want to be a friend, I need to listen.

Fix your eyes.

I’ve been listening to The Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale at least once a day every day for a more than a month. If you haven’t heard it, look it up. It’s worth the 32-36 minutes (depending on which version you listen to.)

In a nutshell, he reminds the listener to think. To think about the future, think about your hopes and dreams. To concentrate on good and purposeful goals.

He also challenges to do more than is necessary without expecting anything in return. To work steadily and with a good attitude. To smile and be more friendly.

I have done this for the past few weeks and I have noticed a change. I finished work ahead of schedule. I planned meals and when I would go to the store, I interacted more with friends and with strangers. A smile goes a long way.

It matters what you allow into your mind. It affects your mood, your interaction with others, your self talk and your future. Take a breath and take inventory of your day.

What was the first thing you said to yourself when you woke up this morning? There is a difference between, “I’m thankful for another day and grateful for the people in my life” vs. “Crap, it’s morning.” You can set the tone for your day by changing what goes into your mind.

You know you cannot control other people. You can only control your response. Yes! You are in control. I know that person was just rude to you in the parking lot, but it’s your choice whether to smile and walk off or engage in some hurtful verbal exchange.

This is all influenced by what you allow into your mind.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8

Are you watching or listening to things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable? If not, find something else. What goes into your mind and heart is usually what comes out your mouth.

Not my plan.

A while ago, I caught myself on Saturday saying things like, “I’ll just do that tomorrow.” Laundry, cleaning, errands, whatever. But I wasn’t resting. So now Sundays are Sabbath – an intentional day of rest. I now do whatever brings me rest on Sunday. It’s been a good change for me.

So one Sunday afternoon, Tim and I had a planning session. We are entering a busy fall season. He has an EMT class once a week and a lot of homework that is due Sunday at midnight. We are both leading small groups, Tim’s class is on Monday and mine is on Tuesday. We both work, of course, and then there are other dinners and trips and fun to be had.

We went through all of the known events and sorted things. We decided when we were going to study, prepare for groups, what routines needed to shift. It was quite productive. Planning always rests my mind.

And then an hour or so later we got a phone call and everything went out the window. A crisis needed our immediate attention.

I don’t believe God laughs when we make plans, contrary to the popular quote.

Proverbs 16:9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Planning is good and helpful and necessary. But when something comes to disrupt, how should we react? It is helpful to know that God is still in control and whatever the ‘surprise’ is, did not surprise Him. Focus on the good you can see. Be thankful.

I thanked Him this crisis happened during 21 days of prayer with our church. My focus was an intentional hour with Him everyday. I thanked Him that it happened this year and not last year. We have had friends, but we knew we needed counsel and reached out immediately. We wouldn’t have done that before.

Then I saw benefits from the crisis itself – unexpected God moments, great conversations, renewed strength, refreshment. Answered prayers.

His timing. His glory. His purpose. Reminding myself that the Lord is still in control and He is still helping and guiding and leading brought me much comfort.

I may plan my days and try to put my ducks in a row. But when an unexpected chicken or fish or squirrel appears, I know where to put my focus and find peace.

Untitled

I have been exercising my writing muscle daily since July 17, 2022. I begin with – I am a writer. Therefore I write everyday (or some variation thereof.)

For those who are novice writers, this is a big deal. Little by little, day by day getting stronger and stronger. I have enjoyed the satisfaction that this has brought me. Most of my writing (so far) is for my eyes only.

I’ve also been blogging consistently for the past few weeks. That’s another exercise that I have enjoyed. I was challenged with becoming more personal. I like it when I can get a laugh or two also.

But something is off today. I just can’t find my flow and my words are not forthcoming.

We are going to prayer service throughout the week at 6am. Although I am usually out of bed at that time, it’s different having to be dressed with shoes on. I’m overwhelmed with work and have many orders that are overdue. I am cat sitting for friends who are gone for a month. Well, actually, more like hospice cat sitting. She is 19. Laundry has piled up and my stacks are getting taller.

But, then I remember to breathe and fix my eyes. Remind myself that the Lord is my Provider and my Peace. He holds my days. I can rest in Him.

I breathe. I rest. I praise and thank God for who He is and what He has done.

Then, I write.