I’m Ready

You know when you finally make a decision on the wall color and you let out that sigh as you open the paint can?

Or when you’ve looked at all of the options in the frozen food aisle and you finally decide on a gluten free pizza and you are raising a hallelujah when you finally turn your oven to 425 degrees?

A decision was made and now you are ready for the next step in the process.

I told God I was ready. I am finally ready to remember things from my childhood. I don’t know if there are things that were done to me or things that I did. Whichever – it’s a bit daunting.

But I told God I was ready to know if He was ready to reveal.

I remember some things from childhood. But I recently found out some big events that I don’t recall at all. Where was I? How did I miss what was going on? Is that when I learned to escape into TV and books?

I spoke of these questions to someone who was going to pray over me. She reminded me that God may not reveal and He has a purpose in that too. Or perhaps there is nothing scary or shocking or sad to reveal. Maybe not. Perhaps I’ll remember something funny, or touching, or affirming. That would be good also.

But, I do know that if there is something that’s not pretty, I’m ready to know, to deal and then to move on. Healing…dealing…realizing…forgiving…whatever-ing.

I’m ready.