Use Your Ears

The other day I was chatting with a friend over coffee. We were reminiscing and laughing and thinking of younger days. We have been friends for years. Some years were closer than others.

Somehow we got on the subject of being present at big events. She always makes it a priority to go to weddings and funerals. She traveled a lot of miles over the summer just for such events.

She mentioned that she is still upset that she wasn’t able to make it my father’s funeral. I told her again that it was fine. It was in another state during a busy work season. I had no expectation of her to attend.

“You have never said you’ve forgiven me.”

Wow! That took me back. No, I’m sure I never did say I forgave her because I didn’t think there was anything to forgive. But she needed those words.

And she had been carrying this around for nine years!

I was so thankful she said something and that I could say what she needed to hear! Yes…YES, I forgive you!

When someone says they are sorry, they are looking for a response from you. Are you forgiving or dismissive, as I was with my friend? I didn’t listen to what she was saying. I didn’t see her not attending an out of state funeral during a notoriously busy time at her work as something to be sorry for. But she did. And I dismissed her.

That is not who I want to be. If I truly want to be a friend, I need to listen.